


Through The Years

by OhMyGlobWhatthefrickamievendoing



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon typical human biology, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, In other words that's not how the human body works, In others words the timeline is fucked., M/M, Mild Blood, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Violence, Not between any of the canon characters though, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Unhealthy Relationships, canon typical timeline, dark themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-06 02:53:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17931461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhMyGlobWhatthefrickamievendoing/pseuds/OhMyGlobWhatthefrickamievendoing
Summary: Bruce Wayne lives through ten years.





	Through The Years

 

**Day 1**

 

He stands. He stares. He feels nothing. He leaves.

 

**Day 4**

**  
**

He feels angry. He feels _so_ angry. He wants to scream. He wants to grab Jeremiah by the shoulders and shake him awake. He wants to know _why_. He wants to clamp his hands over Jeremiah’s face and hold, until he's put out of his misery. Until they are all put out of their misery. He feels angry. _He feels hurt._

 

**Day 5**

**  
**

He's shaking. He's sobbing. Ugly sounds that are ripped from his throat. His hands are fisted and he wishes Jeremiah was dead. Wishes he had it in him to kill Jeremiah. For his sake and for Selina's sake. For Alfred’s sake and for Jim's sake. For Gotham’s sake. _For Jeremiah’s sake._

 

**Day 7**

 

He stands. He stares. His heart clenches. The tears are silent.

 

**Day 14**

**  
**

He moves his hand forward slowly. Lets his fingers curl around the still ones. Holds for a second. He leaves.

 

**Day 17**

 

He holds that hand again. That hand responsible for the death of hundreds. He holds for a second. And then a second more. And a second more. He stays.

 

**Day 20**

 

Alfred is disappointed. Jim is confused. Selina says he's obsessed. He's not. He could leave if he wanted to. He could stop if he wanted to.

  
**Day 25**

 

_He can't leave._

 

**Day 26**

 

_He can't stop._

 

**Day 27**

 

_He's obsessed._

 

**Day 30**

 

Eleven percent sodium hydroxide. Thirty four percent sulfuric acid. Five percent chromium solution. Zinc sulfide doped with copper. He should be dead. It should have killed him. But he's alive. Jeremiah Valeska is alive, and he doesn't know if he’s relieved or terrified.

 

**Day 37**

 

Gotham is better now. Or is it worse. He can't tell. The people are adapting to their new world. He's adapting to their new world. It's frightening how well he's adapting. It's frightening how he's thriving in the dark and dreary, war torn wasteland that Gotham has become. It's frightening how Jeremiah knew he would.

 

**Day 40**

 

Sometimes he thinks about Jerome Valeska. He thinks about that day in the diner. That brief flash of vulnerability. Of humanity. He wonders if there was ever anything there left to save. He wonders if Jerome had been the one that had managed to get out early, would they all be here today.

Sometimes he wonders who really drove who to madness.

 

**Day 42**

 

In his darkest moments , when he's angry and hurting, and hope seems so far away, he wonders about what would have happened if he'd followed Jeremiah. If together they'd made a world just for themselves.

 

**Day 49**

 

He went to Ace today.

 

**Day 60**

 

Sometimes he sees Jeremiah’s people. _Jerome's people._ They keep to themselves, mixed among the civilians who huddle for safety from everything Gotham has become. But he still sees them. Can tell them apart from the way their eyes glitter when they see him. From the way that they're amongst the few whose faces still shine with hope. Like they're waiting for something. Something inevitable.

He wonders if they're waiting for the same thing as him.

 

 **Day** **72**

 

He sees Jeremiah in Scarecrow’s toxin today. He tries to ignore the sense of relief, of joy, _of finally being complete._

 

**Day 81**

 

He sits by Jeremiah today. Sketches on an old piece of paper he found. Tries to ignore it as the smiles on the paper become a little too familiar.

 

**Day 93**

 

He sits by Jeremiah's window today. The smoke has cleared out a bit and the moonlight shines through. It's pretty. Or as pretty as Gotham can be. He taps his fingers on his knees and hums a little.

It's a good day.

 

**Day 94**

 

He dreams of Jim and Alfred and Lucius and Selina and Harvey and Lee. He dreams of his parents. He even dreams of Barbara and Oswald and Ivy. Of Edward Nygma and Tabitha Galavan. Of children with faces he’s never seen before. He dreams of their bodies, twisted and broken, bloodied, lips carved into permanent smiles and dead eyes staring up at him. Laid out at the feet of his throne. An offering.

Lips brush his ear.

 _‘All for you’_ rasps a voice.

 

**Day 100**

 

He dreams of sitting on a bench in a quiet city. In a peaceful city. A man sits next to him, speaking in soft tones. He tilts his head to catch a glimpse. He sees bright green eyes staring back at him.

 

**Day 105**

 

He dreams of a carnival. He dreams of clutching a body in the rain and laughing and laughing and _laughing_ , till his sides hurt and tears pour down his face.

 

**Day 107**

 

He dreams of aliens and goddesses.

 

**Day 111**

 

He dreams of bats.

 

**Day 125**

 

 _Brain dead_ they say. It almost makes him laugh. Jeremiah had always been so brilliant. Even at his maddest point his mind had been brilliant. And now he's brain dead, they say. It almost makes him laugh.

 

**Day 132**

 

He isn't sure he can remember what Gotham was like before.

 

**Day 147**

 

He thinks maybe Selina hates him. He wouldn’t blame her. He had said he wouldn't leave her. And then he had. Now he sits by the man who shot her. _Who paralysed her._ He thinks maybe Selina hates him. He doesn't blame her. He thinks maybe he hates himself too.

 

**Day 150**

 

He thinks of red hair and green eye and too big glasses and small smiles.

 

**Day 156**

 

His hair is starting to fall off. What little is left of it anyway. He strokes through the little tufts of it that remains, poking through the bandages. Bright green strands cling to his hand. The same colour as the chemicals. Months ago they were an inky black. Centuries ago they were a bright red.

 

**Day 160**

 

They change the bandages, every once in a while. He watches from a corner with an almost eerie fascination that scares him.

 

**Day 172**

 

The burns are taking longer than they should to heal. They still remain, red and open. He remembers Jerome Valeska.

 

**Day 191**

 

He wonders what would have happened if he hadn't moved. If he'd fallen instead. Would he be here, struggling for life. Or would he have died.

Somehow he knows, with a frightening certainty, that Jeremiah would have have fallen in right after him. That he would have jumped in with no hesitation. He feels his throat get clogged.

 

**Day 200**

 

He wonders what Jerome would have thought of them now. If he was laughing at them from his place in hell. He probably is.

 

**Day 209**

 

He doesn't know if Jerome's gas ever had any real effect on Jeremiah, beyond the physiological. He doesn't want to consider that it didn’t. He doesn't want to consider that Jeremiah had always been this. This monster. This evil that stalked the nightmares of Gotham's citizens.

But he does consider it.

He thinks maybe the bombs were always part of the plan. He thinks all the gas did was loosen Jeremiah’s inhibitions. Made him less robotic and more manic.

He thinks that maybe he is to be blamed as well. That he was the final push. That Jeremiah’s obsession with him was what finally opened the door to all this insanity. That drove him over the edge and into the vat.

 

**Day 211**

 

He thinks if it weren't for the physiological changes Jerome’s gas brought out in Jeremiah, then maybe, Jeremiah wouldn't have survived the fall.

He can’t tell if he's grateful or not.

 

**Day 220**

 

He misses Jeremiah sometimes.

He misses the part he played of the awkward engineer.

He misses the cold and calculating creature that turned the city into a madhouse.

He misses the intensity and desperation of the madman who had loved him.

 

**Day 223**

 

Sometimes he misses the simpler days of Jerome Valeska.

 

**Day 239**

 

He hates Jeremiah Valeska.

And he hates Jerome Valeska.

He hates Lila Valeska.

And he hates Zach Valeska.

He can't say, given the chance, which two he would save.

 

**Day 240**

 

He knows which two he would save.

 

**Day 241**

 

He wonders if that makes him a bad person.

 

**Day 243**

 

He thinks maybe there's something wrong with him.

 

**Day 251**

 

Barbara Kean is dead. But Barbara Gordon isn't.

 

**Day 252**

 

He wonder if there’s an afterlife. If there's a hell. If Barbara Kean and Tabitha Galavan were together again. If he'd ever see them again. He wouldn’t be surprised if he did. This was Gotham after all.

 

**Day 253**

 

He wonders if they were all, already in hell. He wouldn’t be surprised if they were. This was Gotham after all.

 

**Day 255**

 

She's so small. So vulnerable. He runs his fingers through her little tufts of strawberry blonde hair. He's almost surprised when they don't remove and cling to his fingers. He's going to protect her. _He'd give his life to protect her._ From Gotham and her many monsters. From Jeremiah Valeska and all those who come after.

 

**Day 260**

 

Sometimes he plays with Edward. The dog. When Oswald isn't looking. It almost makes him smile.

 

**Day 270**

 

The world outside of Gotham no longer feels real. It's a fairytale that parents tell their children before bed. Either as a story meant to fill them with hope, that they may someday arrive at that magical land or as a cautionary tale meant to warn them of the horrors that lie outside their little island. He can no longer tell which one is true.

 

**Day 283**

 

He misses his parents.

He always misses them. But the feeling has been sharper, more cutting, more intense since _that day._

 

**Day 291**

 

He remembers that last day with Jeremiah with startling clarity. It plays in his head every night. He wonders if there was anything he could have said or done that would have had it end differently. He doesn’t think so. This. This seems almost _fated_.

He let’s his gaze drag across Jeremiah’s prone body. He knows whatever is coming, it's already been written in stone.

 

**Day 293**

 

He wonders what would have happened if he had died that night instead of his parents. Would they mourn him, but continue to live normal lives.

He closes his eyes and sees his father cloaked in darkness and powered by a boiling anger. Sees his mother splattered with blood that isn't hers, with a smile that stretches past her lips.

He sees them _hate_ each other.

He sees them _love_ each other.

 

**Day 300**

 

Jeremiah's skin is growing slowly. New pink skin giving away to a bleached white. The skin and flesh near his mouth is missing in places. Torn and clawed away by Jeremiah's own hands. They don't have the resources to fix it. So he lies, still as death, with a grotesque smile that stretches past his lips.

Jeremiah Valeska and Jerome Valeska, he thinks, are more alike than either ever realised.

 

**Day 313**

 

Sometimes he wonders why he still comes here.

He thinks maybe he should stop.

He doesn't.

 

**Day 326**

 

Butch Gilzean is alive. No. That's a lie. Solomon Grundy is alive. He's back to square one. With no memories of his previous lives, either as Butch Gilzean or Solomon Grundy.

He watches Jeremiah. He wonders if that's how it will be.

 

**Day 339**

 

He never made friends easily, he probably never will. But with Jeremiah things had being easy. They'd clicked. Immediately. It had felt like finding something you hadn't known you lost. It had felt like destiny. It had felt like it was something that had been years in the making.

 

**Day 350**

 

Sometimes he wonders if there are other worlds out there. Worlds with people like them. Worlds with people who are completely different than them. Would there be a world where they met as children. Where they switched places. _Where they could be happy._

He wonders how many of those worlds are out there. If they have met in every single one of them. He thinks they have.

 

**Day 351**

 

They were inevitable.

 

**Day 358**

 

He meets Waylon Jones today. An escapee of Hugo Stranger’s, who had lived in the sewers and feasted on anything or anyone who had ventured down there.

He finds the monster, _the man_ , leading groups of lost children through the sewers and up towards safety.

He meets Waylon Jones today, and he feels the first seeds of hope start to take root.

 

**Day 362**

 

He forgets what Gotham was like before. He thinks maybe it has always been like this.

 

**Day 381**

 

This isn't working. Gotham isn't fixing itself. They need something _else_. Something that Jim and his people, and Oswald and his people can't provide. Something that's a little bit of the both of them, and a little bit _more_.

 

**Day 390**

 

He dreams of caves.

 

**Day 401**

 

Sometimes he thinks he should go find Ivy again. Ask her to fix Jeremiah. He's scared she'll tell him she can't. That he was broken beyond repair. Born broken. _Born bad._

 

**Day 411**

 

He still does rounds around the city. Helps those that need it. Settles petty squabbles. He doesn't like admitting, even to himself, how much he likes it.

 

**Day 423**

 

He had lied to Jeremiah that day. When he had _hissed_ in his face, he had _lied_. He'd wanted to _hurt_ Jeremiah the same way he was hurting. _And he had._ More than any punch ever could.

He wonders if Jeremiah knew he was lying. Jeremiah who was usually so good at pulling apart his lies.

He doesn't think he did.

He thinks Jeremiah fell believing he never cared. Never _hated_ him. Never _loved_ him.

 

**Day 424**

 

A part of him still loves Jeremiah. A just as equal part hates him. He thinks maybe they aren't exclusive emotions. At least not for them.

 

**Day 435**

 

He finds what remains of a dog fighting ring in Oswald’s territory. The few dogs that remain are bloodied and broken. _Dead_. There's no people around, but remembering Oswald's face when he first told him about this, remembering the way it twisted in disgust as he scratched behind Edward – the dog – ‘s ears he thinks maybe he doesn't want to know what happened to the people. That man can be awfully soft for a crime boss, he thinks.

He doesn't know why Oswald told him about this if he'd already had it taken care off. He turns to leave 

He stops.

He listens.

The noise is low and dangerous.

Oh.

The survivor. The champion. The killer. _Of course._

The dog is black with lean muscles. Covered in wounds and blood. It's crouched low, teeth bared as it continues to growl. He can't tell what breed it is. He thinks maybe it's a mix.

He leaves.

 

**Day 436**

 

He comes back.

 

**Day 437**

 

Again.

 

**Day 438**

 

And again.

 

**Day 439**

 

 _And again_.

 

**Day 440**

 

He visits her everyday. Even though she never approaches him.

He visits him everyday. Even though he never wakes up.

 

**Day 445**

 

He always makes sure to bring her food, even if it means he has to skip a meal.

 

**Day 448**

 

He talks to her. He tells her about his parents and Alfred and Jim and Lee and Babs and Lucius and Selina and Harvey. He tells her about Edward, the dog. He tells her about Jerome and Jeremiah.

 

**Day 451**

 

She comes to him today. Presses her head against his shoulder.

Her tail thumps the floor.

 

**Day 453**

 

He asks Oswald why. He tells him that every boy needs a dog.

 

**Day 454**

 

Her tag reads Ace.

 

**Day 460**

 

He doesn't know if he and Selina are together.

 

**Day 461**

 

He's pretty sure they are.

 

**Day 462**

 

He's pretty sure they aren't.

 

**Day 479**

 

Ecco is back. And she's brought a girl with her. Blonde haired and blue eyed, with a high voice and a mad cackle. Another follower he thinks.

Maybe Jerome's. Maybe Jeremiah's.

She follows Ecco with stars in her eyes.

Maybe not Jerome's. Maybe not Jeremiah’s.

_Maybe Ecco's._

 

**Day 483**

 

They come and go. Ecco and the new girl. _Harleen_. She’s small but she packed a hell of a punch. His broken nose could attest to that. They cause minor trouble up and down Gotham, nothing like what Ecco did back when Jeremiah was around, neither do they seem to be rallying other followers, so Jim decides it'd be best to let them be. He has a baby and a hundred and one other problems to deal with. 

The one time he tries to track them down it leads right up to where he last saw Ivy. Maybe Jim was right, he decides. Maybe it'd be best to let them be for now.

 

**Day 499**

 

He regrets never reaching out and taking Jeremiah's hand. Holding it in his as they sat together and spoke till the sun rose. Back when his hair was still red and his smiles small.

 

**Day 500**

 

He holds Jeremiah’s hand. The sun rises.

 

**Day 515**

 

He hears laughter.

He hears it when he closes his eyes. He hears it when he opens them. In the night and in the day. Around every corner and in every crack.

 

**Day 516**

 

It sends chills down his spine.

 

**Day 529**

 

He closes his eyes and sees Jeremiah. He thinks maybe in the end Jeremiah had won.

 

**Day 545**

 

They want to pull the plug. It's been nearly an year and a half and they want to pull the plug.

 _No changes_ they say. _A waste of valuable_ _resources_ they say. _Better off dead_ they say. _A monster_ they say.

He _snarls_ at them.

It's not a conscious thought. He doesn't stop to consider the options. Doesn't stop to be rational. All he knows is they can’t take Jeremiah. He won't let them take him. He lost him before. _He's not losing him again._

He stands protectively in front of the bed, in front of Jeremiah, and dares them to try taking him away.

They give up eventually.

 

**Day 546**

 

Jeremiah opens his eyes. He notices immediately, _the shift in the air._ He stumbles and trips over his own feet, trying to get up off the chair and to Jeremiah. His eyes are green. Greener than they were before he fell. The same colour as the chemicals. They were pretty. They always had been.

They were glazed over. Staring straight up at the ceiling. Unseeing. 

He opens his mouth and chokes on his words. His eyes are burning.

 _Jeremiah_ , he wants to say.

_Jeremiah please. Jeremiah why. Jeremiah stay._

He can't.

A dry sob crawls out his throat. The eyes drift to him and for one moment they sharpen in startling clarity. His heart thuds against his chest. They hold, staring right at him. Seeing him.

“ _Jeremiah_ ,” he finally manages to choke out.

The eyes soften. He feels hope blossom. They glaze over. They stare at the ceiling. Unseeing.

 

**Day 547**

 

They close again. But the hope doesn’t die.

 

**Day 557**

 

He sits by Jeremiah for nine days straight, terrified he’ll wake up again. That Jeremiah will look for him and he won't be there. He sits next to him till Lee finally manages to drag him off towards babysitting duties.

 

**Day 558**

 

She's nearly an year old now with a head full of fluffy strawberry blonde hair. She babbles happily in his arms. Holding on to his hand with sticky fingers.

She has Barbara’s eyes.

She calls Lee mama.

 

**Day 559**

 

He wants to protect her. He _needs_ to protect her. He's known that since the very moment he laid eyes on her. But he can't do it. _Not like this._ He's just a man. Gotham needs something more. It needs a _monster_.

 

**Day 600**

 

He hasn't been to see Jeremiah since the day he spent with Babs. He's been busy. The suit is different. Lucius had made it using what little resources they had. Yet it's tough but light. It fits like a second skin and his movements are seamless. The man is a genius and a godsend.

The mask wraps around the top of his head now and a long dark cloak falls from his shoulders to wrap around his body, its jagged edges brush the ground. He blends in with the dark and flows through the night like a shadow. He catches himself in a window once. He doesn't look human.

_Good._

_Maybe he isn't._

 

**Day 603**

 

 _He's a myth._ People can’t tell if he's a rumour created by their rivals to intimidate them or a real threat. _He's an urban legend_. A dark creature that rose from the depths of the city, the depths of Arkham to spell their doom. The true king of Gotham come to bring them to heel after the devastation they have caused to his land. That's what they all say.

Keep them guessing, keep them wondering. It'll only help the terror he inspires to grow.

 

**Day 639**

 

He's tightening his reigns on Gotham. Bringing them together. Fixing the city. Slowly. But surely.

 

**Day 640**

 

He still keeps up appearances as Bruce Wayne.

 

**Day 641**

 

Sometimes he thinks Jim knows.

 

**Day 642**

 

They call him _The Batman._

 

**Day 643**

 

It almost makes him laugh.

 

**Day 644**

 

They call him The Dark Knight.

 

**Day 645**

 

He thinks of Ra's Al Ghul.

He shudders.

 

**Day 646**

 

Harvey hates him. He shouldn't feel so hurt.

 

**Day 647**

 

He has never felt this comfortable in his body. Never felt so sure of himself and his cause. For the first time in his life he knows what his purpose is.

 

**Day 648**

 

He still doesn’t go back to see Jeremiah.

 

**Day 649**

 

He wonders if Jeremiah knows. If he's angry. Hurt. _Betrayed._

 

**Day 650**

 

It was spending time with Babs that had sparked it. It was seeing, _really seeing_ , the city, the people that Jeremiah had hurt that fueled it. How could he possibly excuse sitting by the side of the man that damned them all when he could be out here, _trying to fix it all_. How could he _possibly_ be that selfish. He'd already wasted enough time with Jeremiah, he _can't_ waste anymore.

 

**Day 655**

 

He sits on the edge of the building opposite Jeremiah’s room and watches him. The lenses of the mask make him all the more clearer. He tracks the slow rise and fall of Jeremiah’s chest. It's almost soothing.

He tells himself this is a small indulgence. He won’t be back.

 

**Day 658**

 

He watches Jeremiah breathe. He's angry at himself for not being able to stay away.

 

**Day 660**

 

_He should kill him. Put them all out of their misery._

 

**Day 661**

 

It's laughably easy to get in here. She had walked past them with determination. The walk of a woman with nothing left to lose. They knew why she was here. They had to. They let her go.

She pauses in front of the door. She takes a breath. She's a step away from the room where she knows they hide the monster. She takes a breath. She pictures her son. Her husband. _Happy_. She takes a breath. She pictures her son. Her husband. _Dead_.

She takes a breath.

_She's ready._

She slips into the room and let’s her eyes adjust to the darkness. He's laying on a bed. It's been so long but bandages still cover his body. He looks less like the monster that cursed them all, _that cursed her and her family,_ and more like a broken man. That doesn’t stop her.

She takes a step forward. Fingers curled around the gun in the pocket of her cardigan. It's too good a death for him. Too easy. Too quick. He deserves to suffer like they did, _like_ _she did._ She doesn’t cry. She has no more tears left. She raises her hand, presses the gun to his forhead.

_Takes a breath._

It's knocked out of her as a clawed hand grabs her from the collar of her blouse and drags her back. A large, black shape collides with her and presses her to the wall. Her heart stills in fear and a scream gets stuck in her throat. The _creature_ is large, tall and looming. A black mass that blends in with the background making it harder to decipher. All that stands out are its narrowed, glowing eyes.

“ _Don’t_ ,” it growls in a voice that can't be human. 

And suddenly it hits her. This _thing_ is trying to take the one thing she has left away from her. How dare it. _How dare it._ The ferocity of the realisation drowns out the fear. She _screams_ and it sounds feral, she struggles against its iron grip on her. Eyes on the gun that had hit the ground. On the monster, asleep, on the bed.

She wants this. _Needs this._

“ _Let me go_ ,” she growls back at the creature that has her pinned.

Its eyes narrow. “ _No,_ ” it says back, monotonous.

She struggles some more. “ _He’s a monster,_ ” she screams, “ _a murderer. He needs to die. I need to watch him die. He took everything from me and now I need to take everything from him.”_

She's screaming. Crying. Sobbing. She feels the creature shift. It leans down. Forehead pressing against the wall, it presses its temple against hers. _“I know. I understand._ ” it says, voice still an inhuman growl, but tone incredibly soft. _“I’m sorry._ ” it whispers, its body sagging down more. _“I can't let you do that.”_

It sounds impossibly human and impossibly young.

Her heart breaks.

 

**Day 662**

 

_He should kill him. Put them all out of their misery._

 

**Day 663**

 

He sits down next to Jeremiah’s bed.

 

**Day 698**

 

He can't remember the last time he had time for a proper rest. Not that he was getting much sleep beforehand, not with the way things were. Now however, between patrolling, and babysitting and helping Jim, and spending time with Alfred and Selina, and sitting by Jeremiah, he feels wrung dry.

He almost collapses onto his spot, in a dark corner, curling up into his bedding. He feels Ace curl up against his side. Her head resting on top of his, growling ferociously at anyone who takes a step too close.

He drifts off.

 

**Day 763**

 

He's sitting at the newly reconstructed Iceberg Lounge. Listening to Oswald and Ed argue, Jim trying to interject in order to finish making his point, while his arms are full of Babs, who keeps trying to stuff one of her tiny chubby hands into her father's mouth. Edward is by his feet, chewing on his laces, while Martin sits in his corner and stares resolutely at all of them.

He's comfortable.

He takes a sip of the chocolate milkshake that Oswald had given him. Despite all his crimes the man refuses to serve alcohol to anyone under the drinking age.

It's a normal day.

 

**Day 800**

 

The bridges are being built.

But the glaring reminder of how they were abandoned by the rest of the world remains.

He doesn’t know if those bridges will ever be rebuilt.

 

**Day 900**

 

Everyday a bit of the horror Jeremiah brought is erased.

Everyday Jeremiah becomes an urban legend that parents use to scare their children to bed with. No more real that the Boogey Man.

Only a few will remember that maybe Jeremiah wasn't just a myth.

Everyday Jeremiah Valeska ceases to exist just a little bit more.

 

**Day 959**

 

He's twenty one today. No more chocolate milkshakes at the Iceberg Lounge.

_He's twenty one._

_Jeremiah's comatose._

_He's Batman._

The world is so different now.

Three years ago he met Jeremiah Valeska for the first time and the future had seemed bright.

Three years and a lifetime ago.

 

**Day 960**

 

Gotham's fixed.

That's a lie.

It can never be fixed. It can never go back to _before_. Before Jeremiah Valeska. _Before Martha and Thomas Wayne were murdered._

But it is better.

The bridges are fixed.

Buildings are once again rising.

Businesses are starting up again. Children are going back to school.

Yet monsters still roam the streets.

Yet a shadow of the territories exist.

Yet no one enters Gotham. No one leaves.

They seem to exist in their own little dimension apart from the rest of the world.

He doesn’t know if those wounds will ever heal. If they'll ever again start making connections with the outside world.

But the people seem okay with this. They seem happy.

It sometimes scares him. How easily people adapt.

 

**Day 975**

 

Jim Gordon is officially the commissioner.

It's been a long time coming.

Harvey presses wet kisses all over Jim’s cheeks, while Oswald tries to thin his lips to contain the wide grin that threatens to break out. Lee tries and fails to hide her laugher. While Babs bounces around their feet, chattering in mix of actual words and nonsense. Edward and Ace bound after her, gently nudging at her with their heads. Martin watches them from where he's attached himself to Ed's side, twitching slightly each time one of the dogs play a bit too rough. Alfred and Lucius congratulate Jim once they finally manage to pry Harvey off him. Lucius' voice is a little too loud and he seems the slightest bit tipsy. Selina watches the scene they make, with a roll of her eyes and a fond smile on her lips. 

And he watches them all. His chest feels tight and warm. This is his family now, like it or not.

And he thinks maybe he likes it.

 

**Day 988**

 

He thinks he sees Jerome. Out in the crowd.

He catches a flash of red hair out of the corner of his eye and spins around on habit, body tensing. The man is standing on the opposite sidewalk, messing around with his phone. Minus the scars he looks identical to Jerome, _to Jeremiah_ , and for one hysterical moment he wonders if there was a third brother.

The man finally lifts his head and catches his eyes. There's no surprise on his face, and his lips tilt in a wry smile. He raises his hands and wiggles his fingers at him, looking sheepish and a little amused. The action jolts him out of his stupor and he jolts forward, bumping into irritated strangers and nearly getting hit by a car before he makes it to the other side. The man is gone.

He knows he sees Jerome.

 

**Day 989**

 

He visits Jerome's grave. It had survived the worst of Gotham and he's not surprised.

He had immediately made sure Jerome had been reburied after he had woken up in his grave. He, however, had been too frazzled, _too scared, too hurt, too angry_ , to make sure if Jerome had _actually been buried_.

Had he the time, he knows he should have had a cremation ordered. Should have scattered his ashes in four different directions, just to be on the safe side. But he didn’t, and now he stands in front of Jerome’s grave, wondering.

He pats the gravestone almost fondly. He'll wait and he'll fight whatever comes his way.

 

**Day 990**

 

And so he waits.

 

**Day 992**

 

And he waits

 

**Day 1000**

 

And he waits

 

**Day 1194**

 

And he waits.

 

**Day 1195**

 

Nothing comes. At least nothing Jerome Valeska related.

 

**Day 1196**

 

His side burns. The pain is throbbing, beating in time with his pounding heart. It had been a lucky shot by a run-of-the-mill criminal. He's almost embarrassed. It's not life threatening and he's used to the pain. If anything the pain makes him feel more alive. More like a real person. So at the end of the night, the few petty criminals taken care off, he presses his hand into the wound and prepares to stumble off home, to Wayne Tower. Instead he ends up in a small hospital, in a dark room, half of his body on the bed, head pressed into the crook between shoulder and neck, of his own personal demon.

Jeremiah would have loved him like this, he thinks, before he drifts off.

 

**Day 1197**

 

The next, back home, he feels guilty.

He feels guilty for his unconscious, _almost primal_ , need to be near Jeremiah. A need he tries to squash, _repress, push back_ , into the darkest parts of his mind at the best of times.

He hates that more times than not, he can’t.

 

**Day 1235**

 

Sofia Falcons wakes up.

_He's envious._

For as far as she knows nothing has really changed.

_He's angry._

Jeremiah sleeps on.

_He's relieved._

Jeremiah sleeps on.

 

 

**Day 1278**

 

He spends the day with Babs, in what has become a weekly ritual. He braids her hair into tiny little Princess Leia buns while she relays to him, in detail, her secret life as a superhero. He hums and gasps at all the right moments, and she bounces in place happily. Ace is curled up on the floor next to them with her head in Babs' lap, her tail lazily thudding on the floor.

He's happy.

 

**Day 1279**

 

Everything's a blur. The world muted by pain. He wants to cry. Scream. He remembers falling down a well and breaking his leg. He remembers his dad carrying him to safety. He wants his parents. He wants his dad. He calls Alfred.

 

**Day 1280**

 

Everything's a blur. He thinks he hears Alfred and Selina, Jim and Lee, Lucius and Harvey.

 

**Day 1281**

 

Everything is a blur. He thinks he hears Jeremiah.

 

**Day 1321**

 

It's been six weeks and he hates this. He hates being this vulnerable and dependent. He hasn't been this weak in years. He wants to get up. Go out. _Fight_. The look Alfred gives him when he says this makes him almost sink into his bed.

Lee says it'll be at least 18 weeks before he can be out and about again, and he knows she's not talking about jumping off buildings.

 

  
**Day 1400**

 

It only took seventeen weeks, give or take, before he's more or less back to normal. He's not though. His back twinges each time he moves too fast. But he needs to leave. He can't stand another day stuck here.

 

**Day 1401**

 

He's still stuck here.

Grounded is the word that comes to his mind. It makes him almost nostalgic.

 

**Day 1402**

 

Bane is still out there.

 

**Day 1452**

 

The manor has been rebuilt. He'd known they were building it of course, but being here, _seeing it,_ it feels like a dream.

He thinks maybe Alfred had hastened it's unveiling as an incentive to keep him away from the streets of Gotham a while longer.

It should feel like home.

_It does._

_It doesn’t._

 

**Day 1473**

 

He spends most of his days curled up in front of the fire with Ace, reading through case files. He has more visitors than he ever has before. They all pretend they don't know what happened. He's grateful.

 

**Day 1491**

 

He's back on the streets. It shouldn't feel like coming home.

It does.

 _It does_.

 

**Day 1492**

 

Alfred tells him to start small. Work himself back up again. He goes after Bane.

**  
**

**Day 1493**

  
Bane's in Arkham. But he doesn't delude himself into believing he'll stay in Arkham.

 

**Day 1500**

 

He takes down Firefly and Freeze. Well, no. They were working together again and managed to take each other down. He thinks they secretly enjoy each other's company.

 

**Day 1508**

 

He takes down Hatter. He takes in stride the fact that Hatter has decided to call him Alice.

 

**Day 1513**

 

He takes down Scarecrow. He holds him while he screams. Let’s him clutch on to his shoulders while his mind gets too loud and then drives him to Arkham.

 

**Day 1520**

 

He takes down Ecco. Ignores the way she smiles at him knowingly over her shoulder as he cuffs her, and asks sweetly, “How’s Jeremiah?”

 

**Day 1532**

 

He takes down Ivy and Harley. The former seems more centered, _more human_ , than she used to be. The latter bounces on her feet to press a quick, wet kiss to his cheek before she skips into the car after Ivy, deigning to plop down on her lap than moving to the back seat. Ivy, for her part, only rolls her eyes before pressing a kiss to the corner of Harley's mouth.

It takes more effort than he thought it would to suppress his smile. He's happy for them. For Ivy. Happy that she has someone there for her, someone she can depend on. They were friends once upon a time and he's happy for her. From the look she gives him as he starts the car, he thinks she knows.

 

**Day 1540**

 

He takes down Zsasz. His scars have started creeping up to his face. He doesn’t like to think about what that means.

 

**Day 1550**

 

He takes down Harvey Dent and Thomas Elliot. Two Face and Hush. He sees the pain in Jim's face when he looks at what Dent has become and he knows he must mirror that when he looks down at Thomas. They were friends once. Him and Thomas. Maybe not good friends, not really, but friends. Friends who kissed in the dark corners of clubs, surrounded by grinding bodies and too loud music. Thomas looks up at him with disdain, and he wonders how this could happen. How good people could be pushed to this point. Pushed to the edge where they plummet over.

 

**Day 1563**

 

He takes down Penguin. And is not surprised when he manages to talk himself out of a sentence five days later.

 

**Day 1564**

 

He takes down Riddler. It's thanks to a tip by Penguin. They must be fighting again.

 

**Day 1577**

 

He takes down Catwoman. They trade blows and then kisses. She slips away.

 

**Day 1600**

 

His dad's secret room, the cave, is now his headquarters, filled to the brim with knick knacks. From all the fancy toys that Lucius makes for him to all the little things he gathers from the rogues gallery, that's what the papers are calling them. Alfred calls them attention seekers, him a hoader, and his headquarters _The Batcave._

 

**Day 1701**

 

Five is alive. He supposes he shouldn't be so surprised. Except now he's calling himself Thomas Wayne Junior and waving around papers in broad daylight, asking for eveything his dear, departed parents owe him.

At night he calls himself _Owlman_ and tries to pluck his eyes out with his clawed fingers. He supposes he shouldn't be so surprised.

 

**Day 1745**

 

He still spends nights by Jeremiah’s bedside. The soft sounds of his steady breaths are almost a lullaby.

 

**Day 1800**

 

Barbara Kean is back. She arrives with a bang, looking ready to kill while rocking a pair of stilettos. As per usual then. Tabitha Galavan slinks after her, she shouldn't look any different except her pupils seem like slits and her nails like claws. _Okay then_.

He tries to ignore how happy Selina seems and gets to work. It's another normal day in Gotham.

 

**Day 1801**

 

Barbara Kean crouches down in front of Barbara Gordon. Tabitha by her side. Jim hovers around them, looking a mixture of nervous and deeply uncomfortable. Lee looks just about ready to throw hands at any moment.

Barbara smiles softly at Babs. “What a pretty name you have,” she says, her eyes look wet. She pops Babs on the nose with a finger, “Not to worry,” she says “you have Auntie Barb to keep you safe.”

Babs smiles brightly before she throws herself into Barbara’s arms. She has a moment to look surprised, before she closes her eyes and let’s the tears spill, curling her arms around her daughter. Tabitha crouches down next to her, an arm wrapped around her shoulder. Jim looks pained and Lee looks relieved.

He turns to leave. He has intruded. Let them have their time together, alone.

 

**Day 1909**

 

Fish Mooney is back too.

She strides into the Iceberg Lounge with her long coat flying behind her, and seats herself on a couch like she's always been there. After a moment she looks towards a gaping Oswald and a pale Ed and says, expectantly, “ Well, I hear I have a grandson.”

He downs the rest of his chocolate milkshake and quietly slips away.

 

**Day 1910**

 

He should probably go find Hugo Strange.

 

**Day 1925**

 

As the last of the resurrected criminals are accounted for, and those determined to cause trouble are back in Arkham or Blackgate, he sits by Jeremiah and wonders if it really was Jerome Valeska he saw that day. He sits by Jeremiah and wonders if Jeremiah had died, _if he had killed Jeremiah,_ then would he be alive and out there today.

 

**Day 2000**

 

He asks Selina to marry him.

It’s spontaneous.

They're on a rooftop, mouth to mouth and there's no ring. He knows she deserves more. She deserves a grandiose proposal with a gorgeous ring. She's his oldest friend and a part of him loves her, always has. That's not what she gets however. She gets rushed words pressed against her mouth, his eyes wide, as surprised as she is by them. For a moment in the dark he thinks he sees a brief flash of pity in her eyes.

“Sure,” she says. And that's it. She slinks off back into the night, and he goes to sit by Jeremiah and play with his fingers.

 

**Day 2001**

 

Looking back, he thinks he had realised, unconsciously, that his last chance at a normal life was slipping away with Selina. That dark part of him, that sometimes sounded a little too much like Jeremiah for comfort, said he was using her. Maybe he was. But that didn’t mean he didn’t love her.

 

**Day 2010**

 

They haven't spoken about it yet. He hasn’t told Alfred and he thinks she hasn’t told anyone too. He doesn’t know what that says about them.

 

**Day 2023**

 

He gives her a ring. Just as gorgeous as she deserves. She takes it with a sad smile and puts it in her pocket before she leaves. He sits by Jeremiah and holds his hand.

 

**Day 2031**

 

“Leave him.” She says.

They're in Jeremiah’s room and she's creeped in through the windows.

“If we're going to do this. If we're really going to be together. If you expect me to leave my life out there. Then leave him. Let him rot away here on his own. Finally pull the plug on him. I don’t care. But you can't expect me to give up what I love when you can’t do the same.”

She's in one of those rare moments where she's near tears, and it hurts to see her like this, he wants to wrap his arms around her and chase away everything that is hurting her, even when more times than not it's him.

He takes a step towards her.

She takes a step back.

“No.” She says, “Not while he's still in your mind. Not while I have to share you. Not with him.”

She leaves.

 

**Day 2032**

 

He finds the ring on his study table back in the manor.

 

**Day 2033**

 

Alfred doesn't know.

 

**Day 2034**

 

He does try to leave him. To stop caring. It's been so long and he tries so hard.

 

**Day 2056**

 

And he tries.

 

**Day 2076**

 

And he tries.

 

**Day 2189**

 

_And he tries._

 

**Day 2281**

 

But each day he ends up back with Jeremiah.

 

**Day 2282**

 

He hates himself for it.

 

**Day 2300**

 

He and Selina still meet up. They meet on rooptops and at the Iceberg Lounge and at the newly restored Sirens. They fight, they talk, they laugh. He moves closer to her and she gets up to leave, patting him on the shoulder as she goes. They're friends. But they're no longer friends who kiss. Friends who could be married. Friends who could one day have kids together. A part of him is sad. A larger part of him is too busy to notice the change. Maybe it was for the best.

 

**Day 2582**

 

Her name is Talia and she kisses with a fire.

“ _You're perfect,_ ” she says. “ _Just what we need.”_

He tries to place where he's seen her before. Why she looks familiar. _The cut of her jaw. Her eyes._ She grinds up against him and the thought slips. His mind is moving too fast. Everything's too hazy. It almost feels like a dream. He presses back against her. Together, they fall on to the bed.

 

**Day 2583**

 

She's gone the next day. There isn't a trace of her. It’s almost like she never existed.

 

**Day 2987**

 

Life goes on.

He fights crime and comforts criminals.

He plays the part of ‘ _Bruce Wayne Billionaire Brat_ ' to those who don't know him and ‘ _Bruce Wayne Troubled Introvert_ ' to those who do.

He does Babs' hair and tells her stories that aren't as made up as they seem.

He learns sign language with Martin and listens to Oswald and Ed argue about nothing and everything.

He has drinks with Selina and listens to Barbara and Tabitha try and fail to subtly flirt.

He has burgers with Waylon Jones as he listens to the man gush about a girl he met. June Moone, he thinks.

He gets coffee with Jim and Harvey while they complain about work. He pretends not to see Harvey emptying a flask into his cup.

He loiters around as Lucius works on his newest gear, eagerly trying out what he can before Lucius eventually chases him out.

He helps Lee out in her clinic down in the Narrows. He ignores the fact that the people still defer to her, treat her like their queen.

He steals food from the chopping board as Alfred sighs for the fourth time that week about never getting grandchildren.

He curls up on the chair in front of his monitors down in the Batcave, eyes burning from the glare and Ace at his feet.

He sits next to Jeremiah and talks till his throat is raw. Not about the now. Not about the present. He doesn't dare give him that much ammunition. _But of the past_. Of them working together. _Of alternate realities where things were better._ Of them staying together.

 

**Day 3109**

 

He misses Gotham sometimes. The Gotham of _before_.

The Gotham before his parents were murdered.

The Gotham before Penguin and Galavan and Strange and Ra’s Al Ghul.

The Gotham before Jerome Valeska.

The Gotham before Jeremiah Valeska.

The Gotham before it was all fixed with duct tape and bubblegum.

The Gotham before the bridges were built back.

_The Gotham before Batman._

 

**Day 3295**

 

Haly's Circus is back in town again. It's been nearly two decades since the last time they were here. The last time when they gifted Jerome Valeska to this city.

He thinks that's probably why it took them so long to come back. The fact that one of their own had been brutally murdered by her own son within the walls of this city. That he had grown to become a monster that terrorised the city. That the child they had left decades before that had grown into an even bigger monster. He sees why that may have put them off coming back for so long.

 

**Day 3299**

 

Babs wants to go. She's never been to a circus. She doesn’t understand why that might be a good thing.

It's all she can talk about.

It's all she has been talking about for the last four days.

Jim and Lee always look seconds away from throwing up each time Babs mentions it, and even Barbara and Oswald pale a bit, so he supposes it falls to him. 

He tries not to think about the last time he was in a circus tent.

 

**Day 3300**

 

She does two cartwheels and a flip when he waves the tickets at her. She's been really into gymnastics ever since she saw Harley Quinn on the TV.

Her excitement seems worth the rock in his stomach.

 

**Day 3301**

 

It's an hour in. There has so far been no circus fights or dead snake dancers. No crying sons or psychotic ringmasters. No cannons filled with weapons or killer games. As far as he's concerned everything’s going great.

Babs is having fun, and really that’s all that matters.

She oohs and ahs and bounces in her seat. She grabs his hand and stuffs buttery popcorn into her mouth with the other. She squeezes his hand so hard when the trapeze act comes on he actually winces.

 _The Flying Graysons_ , they introduce themselves as.

She tugs him down so his ear is level with her mouth. “ _That_ ,” she whispers conspiratorially, “ _I wanna be that when I grow up! A Flying Grayson!_ ”

He resists the urge to snort. If either Jim or Lee had heard that, _well_.

He grins at her instead, and presses a kiss to the side of her head. She makes a face and whacks him. “You’ll do great.” He says sincerely. She whacks his arm again before immediately leaning against it and wrapping both her arms around it. He smiles softly. Let’s his eyes wonder to the center stage where the Graysons, a couple apparently, are getting ready to jump. His eyes wonder over them and back down again where they catch on a little boy hiding behind the tent's back flap, dressed in the same overly colourful costume as the Graysons and watching the show with large eyes. He can't stop the small smile that spreads as the boy's eyes widen and his grin spreads with each gasp and ooh of the crowd, with each stunt the Graysons perform. He supposes the boy actually might become a flying Grayson when he grows up.

He should have known really.

He'd gone through it himself.

Happy, his parents alive one second. Life in pieces the next. Shattered by two shots.

It’s two shots this time too.

He doesn't see them fall. It's the way boy's smile freezes before he opens his mouth and _shrieks_ that makes him realise something is wrong. It's like the boy's scream is a signal. The whole tent fills with a flurry of motion and screams as people rush to get out.

Babs' nails dig into his arm, she's not crying, instead she stares at the broken, bleeding bodies at the center of the tent, “That’s not real is it?” she whispers, “It’s just an act. Right?”

He doesn’t reply. Instead he scoops her up immediately in one arm as he weaves through the crowd, the other hand already dialling Jim.

Jim, when he arrives, looks tired. He goes to Babs first, patting her down and whispering something to her before he pulls her to him and hugs her tightly. Then he's off, nodding at him as he passes by.

Lee, who had stormed in right after Jim, picks up Babs, pressing soft kisses all over her face as Babs clings on to her. She finally turns to him with a sad look, “This place might as well be cursed.”

He agrees.

He raises his head and let’s his eyes wonder over the heads of the crowd. He wonders if Jerome's and Jeremiah's trailer is still around. He looks back at Lee, a question on his tongue but she waves him off. He nods gratefully. He makes his way back towards the tent and starts from there. It doesn’t take long to notice the small form huddled on the steps of a trailer. He must be eight or nine. Not any older than Babs. His heart aches.

He sits down next to the boy and the cycle repeats. 

_‘And I promise you, however dark and scary the world might be right now there will be light.’_

 

**Day 3302**

 

“I knew them.” Jim says over coffee the next night. “Met them when the whole thing with Jerome first popped up. They were so young. Said they were going to name their first kid after me.” He chuckles at this, but his eyes are tired. So tired.

Richard. They'd named the boy Richard.

 

**Day 3303**

 

He doesn’t have a place to go. Not really. No one at the circus has time to look after a nine year old. He shudders to think of the last two little boys who grew up in that circus.

 

**Day 3304**

 

He signs the adoption papers.

 

**Day 3305**

 

Alfred always did say he wanted grandchildren.

 

**Day 3306**

 

Haly’s circus leaves. They watch it kick up dust as it trudges down the road. Chances are it'll never return. Richard – Dick – ‘s hand curls into his.

 

**Day 3395**

 

He'll never forget what he was like in those days _after_. He'd been cold and angry. He'd wanted to be left alone. He'd wanted to lash out. Dick isn't like that. He wants company and reassurance. He wants a shoulder to cry on. He wants someone to listen to him. _To understand him._

And he _tries_. He tries to be all that but at times, more often than he likes to admit, he drops the ball. Luckily for him, and luckily for Dick, Babs is there to pick it up. The two become almost inseperable,as they explore the surrounding woods and curl up in dark corners of the library together or hold competitions to see who can do the most cartwheels in a row. Watching them, watching Babs tease small smiles out of Dick, brings an almost overwhelming sense of nostalgia.

Looking over at Selina, from where she leans against the door frame, he catches her smirk with a small one of his own. Babs is to Dick what Selina was to him.

 

**Day 3459**

 

Slowly buy surely Dick is getting accustomed to life at the manor.

 

**Day 3460**

 

He still goes out at night to fight back all the nightmares. To make sure Dick never has to grow up to be like him.

 

**Day 3500**

 

They still keep the bandages on. Only now it's less due to any actual injuries and more for the comfort of the doctors and nurses who make the rare trip into the room. He misses seeing Jeremiah's skin. The pale tone and the light smattering of freckles. The smooth inhumanly white skin. Even the knarled, twisted knots of burn scars mixed with bleached white skin that it has now become.

He misses seeing Jeremiah’s skin.

He misses seeing Jeremiah.

_He misses Jeremiah._

 

**Day 3501**

 

He wonders if the years have muted the horrors that Jeremiah brought.

 

**Day 3502**

 

He knows they haven’t. He can remember each moment in time in terryfying detail, as if almost a whole decade hasn’t already passed.

 

**Day 3503**

 

He can remember sitting next to Jeremiah. The look in his eye. The earnest sound of his voice.

 

**Day 3504**

 

He can remember the way Jeremiah’s hair had uncharacteristicly stuck out. He can remember the nagging urge in the back of his mind telling him to reach out, smooth it down.

 

**Day 3505**

 

He can remember Jeremiah’s body under his. His fists on Jeremiah’s face. Jeremiah's hands on his neck.

 

**Day 3506**

 

He can remember staring into the churning green chemical vats. He can remember feeling nothing.

 

**Day 3507**

 

He can remember how beautiful Jeremiah had been that day.

 

**Day 3508**

 

He runs his fingers gently over Jeremiah's scalp. All he feels is bandages. It's been ten years and he misses a monster.

 

**Day 3509**

 

His monster.

 

**Day 3510**

 

_His monster._

 

**Day 3535**

 

Sometimes he feels hollow. Incomplete. _Like a joke without a punchline._

 

**Day 3579**

 

Sometimes he feels like he has spent all this time waiting for something inevitable. _Someone inevitable._ His body feels tense with anticipation.

 

**Day 3580**

 

It's a bad feeling.

 

**Day 3581**

 

_It's a good feeling._

 

**Day 3582**

 

It's a bad feeling.

 

**Day 3600**

 

He looks over at Jeremiah. He's as still as ever. His heartbeat steady. His limbs skeletal. He looks over at Jeremiah and all he feels is _tired_.

 

**Day 3610**

 

He can’t let this go on.

 

**Day 3620**

 

_He can't let go._

 

**Day 3630**

 

He needs to let go for his sake.

 

**Day 3640**

 

He holds on for his sake.

 

**Day 3650**

 

_He needs to let go for Jeremiah’s sake._

 

**Day 3651**

 

It's been ten years too long. And it's still not any easier. It still seems impossible. Another ten years seems too short. But maybe it's time he stops being selfish. Maybe it's time he let’s Jeremiah go, like he should have all those years ago, for all their sakes. By tomorrow night Jeremiah Valeska will finally be dead and gone. But for tonight he clutches on to Jeremiah’s hand like a lifeline.

 

**Day 3652**

  
  
Grey.

A blur.

 _Blink_.

Tiles.

It's dark.

_Where._

Something beeps. Steady. His ears ring. He wants it to stop.

His hand twiches. He frowns. He pulls. They feel like lead.

 _Blink_.

His eyes burn.

_Blink._

He opens his mouth. It's too wide. It’s full of cotton.

 _Who_.

“B -“

He feels constricted. Bandages. Wrapped around. _Why._  

His skin feels stretched. Pulled too tight against his bones. _What_. 

His body feels too small. It can't hold him.

_Who._

_Bombs._

He needs to get up.

 _Bridges_.

He needs to see.

_Fire. Bats. Brother._

_Green. Green. Green._

_Circus. Labyrinth. Mother._

_Green. Green. Green._

_**Love**._

_Hate._

_**Love**._

_Burning._

He doesn't know where. He doesn’t know who. He doesn’t know why.

_He needs to know._

_He needs to see –_

_He needs to find –_

“B – “

**_Love me._ **

_Hate me._

_Kill me._

_Make me._

**_Love me. Please._ **

He pulls at his arm. Wires pull back. Needles. Needles. Pain. _Fists_. 

He uses his other arm. Tears them out.

Ow.

_Needs to leave. Needs to see. Planning. Planning what._

He rolls out of bed. Falls to the ground in a heap of limbs.

_Ow._

Room. Dark. Alone. Door. Find.

_Who._

He moves. He pushes with his legs. Pulls with his arms. Crawls to the door.

_Bombs. Bridges. Fire. Dinner._

_Burning. **Green**. Parents._

_**Ace**._

“B – “

He pulls himself up. Holds on to the door handle. And pushes.

He stumbles into a hall. _Burning. Burning._ White. Bright. Bright white light. His eyes burn. He wants to cry. Wants to scream. _Wants to laugh._

There's a window at the end of the hall. _He needs to see._

He leans against the wall. Uses it to push him onwards. His legs shake. His feet slip. Bandages. Wrapped around them. _Why_.

The gown he's wearing – hospital. _hospital?_ – sways with each step. It's flimsy. It's cold. _He's burning._

He's alone. His hand is empty. It shouldn't be empty. _He shouldn't be alone._  

“B –“

The window. It's cold. _Soothing_. It's dark. A city. Stretching out and out. Lights shine. People live. _It's whole. It's alive._

No.

_No._

_Nonononononononononononono._

**_No._ **

_His city._

_**Their** city._

_No._

“B – “

He doesn’t know what it is. There's no sound. It's eerily quiet. But something has changed. He turns around. Back pressed against the glass.

There's a man. His fist clenched around the handle of an open door. _His door._

There's a man. Tall and broad. A fresh scar near the side of his mouth. Dark hair. Darker clothes. His skin is pale. It looks ashen. _He wants to giggle._ His eyes are wide.

Familiar eyes. _Who_.

There's a man. _Who_.

A strange man. _A familiar man._ _Who. Who. Who._

**_Love me. Love me. Love me._ **

He pushes away from the window. Takes a step forward. Takes another. And another. He sways on the spot.

And then he's falling. Tipping backwards and _falling. Over the railing and down, down, down. **Green. Green. Green.** He's terrified. **He's terrified.** He doesn't want to fall. He wants to be up there. Up there with –_

He doesn't fall. A hand wraps around his arm.

Oh. The man. The strange man. **_The familiar man._** He shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t have been that fast. People aren't that fast.

He drags him up. The man – **_who_** – wraps his other arm around his waist. Holds him securely. _Safely. He's not falling._  

The man's eyes are still wide. His face still too pale. He's frozen. Keeping them at an angle. Tilted down.

He reaches his free arm up. Wraps it around the man's shoulder. Claws at his back and pulls himself closer. Their chests flush against each other. The man's eyes don't leave his. _Familiar eyes. Eyes filled with pain. Eyes filled with tears. Eyes filled with anger. With hate. With **love**._

He clings on tighter to his back. Pulls himself up. Tilts his head till their cheeks press together. Let’s his lips carress the man's ear. Smiles. Whispers.

_“You’ve grown so tall.”_

 

* * *

 

_And so it begins._

 

**Author's Note:**

> I've been writing this since Friday and it's my longest fic! And I had so much fun!
> 
> Batman's design in this is based off The Batman (2004) cartoon.
> 
> Come yell at me on tumblr @ ohmyglobwhatthefrickbatjokes
> 
> Pls I live off comments feed me :(


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